Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
