mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
