those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants