suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.