ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.