You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.