I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
