I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.