I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove