Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.