I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
