Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
