so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
