Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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