Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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