What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize