....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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