I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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