you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
