so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
