Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
