I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
