There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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