shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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