I cannot find my penis.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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