I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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