in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
