you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
