i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
