True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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