When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
