Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
