I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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