So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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