i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
