dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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