Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
