I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
