I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
