Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
