Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
