he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
