Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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