Redeem this text for a blowjob
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
