i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Randomize
