ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
