I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?