Ambien. No doubt about it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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