Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.