I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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