Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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