I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
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I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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