All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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