I think i peed on brittanys purse
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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