Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
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I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
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Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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