There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
