DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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