I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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