I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it's like iHOP with fire
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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