dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
