MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
