Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
