Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
