Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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