yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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